Fino a che la Morte noi non Realizzi
by fanficaddict
Summary: Until Death Do We Realize. Death was what it took for Tony and Kate to finally realize their feelings for one another. Spoilers for Twilight.


A/N: Okay, so this story is a little bit late, but it's the thought that counts right? Well I hope you enjoy this story. It's set after/during Twilight (at least that's what I think that episode was called). The song lyrics are in bold and are italicized.

Oh and the title is in Italian. I can't speak or read it, so I'm sorry if it's wrong. I got it off a translation thing. It means 'until death do we realize'. It's to symbolize what Tony and Kate finally realized only after she died. It's in Italian because I just got bored.

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Fino a che la Morte noi non Realizzi

She heard the shot ring out and her body being forced back, but felt darkness over came her before she even hit the ground.

The next thing she saw after being pulled out of the darkness was Gibbs looking around for the one who shot the fatal bullet. She looked down; her feet were floating at least 2 feet above the ground and her body laid on the rooftop, blood pooling around her head. That was when she knew she was dead.

_**I thought it was too good to be true**_

Kate watched as Ducky and Palmer loaded her body onto the gurney into the corner's van. Looks of anguish and despair appeared on both of their faces from having to put one of their own in the black body-bags.

She could hear McGee ask Tony where she was. Tony's face told it all. That and the blood that had splattered all over his clothes.

_**I found somebody who understands me **_

She saw the looks on all her guys' faces when it hit them that she was no longer with them. Not among the living or breathing. Not in their little family anymore.

Kate's heart tore apart when Gibbs told Abby the news of her death. She had first thought Gibbs was kidding. Then she remembered; Gibbs never jokes around. The color drained from her already white face. Kate saw Abby trying to swallow her tears. She looked so lost and lonely. Neither Gibbs nor Kate could do much to comfort her as much as Kate tried.

_**Someone who would help me to get through**_

Kate went straight through Abby when she tried to hug her. Abby felt an unexplainable, comfortable warmth as Kate passed through her. It was just a feeling that warmed her soul and, for a split second, a small smile could be seen on her face.

It was obvious that her death hit Tony the most. It broke her ghostly heart to see the pained expression on his face every time her name was mentioned. To see the person she had been rapidly falling in love with ever since she met him in such emotional pain. The person that understood her most on that team. The one who could make her heart fill with warmth whenever she was feeling down.

**_And fill an emptiness I had inside me  
_**

She wanted to call out, "I'm still here. Don't worry; I'm right here with you guys." But she couldn't get them to hear the words she desperately wanted them to listen to.

All she could do was watch them suffer. Her family-like team suffered because of her. Suffered because of Ari. Suffered because of the one bullet from Ari that killed her.

_**But you kept inside and I just denied**_

Gibbs was like a father to her. The rage of her death shone in his eyes. His search for her killer, Ari, was unstoppable. The only capable of ending it was when Ari's death. When _he_ took the bullet that he had put in Kate. Even when people, namely the new director, had tried to persuade him it was not Ari who killed her, his quest for blood revenge would not end.

His quest continued; fueled by caffeine, not stopping to sleep. He would not until he served justice.

_**Some things that we should have both said**_

Only after killing Ari could he rest; slowing down to take a breath before tackling on the next murders' of navy officers.

Kate could see that the person that her death hit as hard as it did Tony was Abby, the sister that she never had. The one she could share any and all her secrets with. The only person to know of her full-fledged crush on the one and only Tony DiNozzo.

_**I knew it was too good to be true**_

Abby was like a broken doll after hearing the news of Kate's death. The cheerful spirit of that doll named Abby gone, pierced by the same bullet that had killed her best friend.

Kate could finally breathe a sigh of a relief when Gibbs fixed her. He helped replaced the missing cheerful spirit with determination. Helping Abby heal, regaining the cheerfulness little by little as it became easier to remember Kate.

**_Cause I'm the only one who understands me _**

But Abby had still lost her best friend, her twin sister, her betting buddy, the person who really accepted her for the way she was, the one who helped her teased both Tony and McGee, one of the most important people in her life.

And McGee, who was like a little brother to her. The sadness lingering in his face hurt her badly. He was someone to tease or pick on. Someone to help and shape into a good- no, better person. McGee was someone that could make her smile on bad day because of the result of him spouting out some of the many random facts he knew about computers.

_**What happened to us**_

Ducky's face was grim as he picked up the scalpel that he need to perform the autopsy. He had sent Jimmy away a few moments earlier; needing to face it alone. Kate caught the flinch on Ducky's face as he the blade he pressed against her dead body's skin cut through to begin the autopsy. She saw he winced every time he stuck the needle in her to sew her close; it was as if the needle was piercing his own flesh. Ducky was like a grandfather to her. He would also have stories of things that had happened to him in handy for anyone willing or not willing to listen.

Each member of her "family" seemed more withdrawn from each other as they continued her case.

**_We used to be so perfect _**

Tony sat at his desk staring off into space, alone in the bullpen. He had just come back from the gruesome scene of Kate's death.

Even though he had cleaned up and changed out of his blood-stained clothes, he could still smell the metallic scent of Kate's blood.

_**Now we're lost and lonely**_

He still couldn't believe that she had died. He had been talking to her only seconds before the bullet tore through her flesh. Only seconds before had they been joking around. Only seconds before did he think he had lost her forever, but to find out that she was alive, to only have her taken away again by that single bullet.

He saw the bullet hit her. It was like it was moving in slow motion. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't move to save her. His legs were planted to the rooftop, as heavy as lead, unable to be moved.

_**What happened to us**_

Tony felt her warm blood drench him as the bullet entered her head. She had lain in front of him with a hole in her forehead and he wanted to look away from that horrific scene, but an unexplainable force kept his eyes on her body.

It wasn't until he had reached down to touch her, to see if it was real and not just a nightmare that Gibbs had pulled him away. _"Don't touch the body DiNozzo! You'll contaminate the crime scene." _He remembered what Gibbs had yelled at him. Now thinking back, he wanted to shout at Gibbs what his shocked-ridden body didn't. He wanted to shout at Gibbs, _"This isn't just some body! She was one of us! She was Kate! She was my Katie…"_

_**And deep inside I wonder**_

He felt like he was going to break down, break down right there in the bullpen, right in front of everyone. He didn't care anymore. He had just lost the most important person in his life. He didn't even have time to tell her.

_Why didn't I tell her? _Tony thought sadly. _I should've told her. I promised myself that I was going to tell her after I got the plague, but why didn't I ever tell her. You were the only one who understood me. The only one to put up with me._

**_Did I loose my only_**

Kate watched him from the cover of the filing cabinet. She could feel the tears trailing down her face that he had in his eyes which he wanted to let go. She could hear his thoughts clearly as though he was talking out loud.

_I wish I had time to tell you Katie. I wish I had time to tell you I love you. I hope you knew, knew that I loved you, that I loved you with all my heart. _Tony continued thinking. He still sat in his chair staring at the ceiling. Only now, the tears freely fell from his eyes and trailed down his face.

_**Remember they thought we were too young**_

"_I know Tony. I know." _Kate wanted to reach out and comfort him, but being in her ghostly form, she couldn't even touch him. It shattered her heart to see him so hurt.

_I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't risk getting my heart broken. Not again. _Tony tried to stifle a sob. _I couldn't risk rejection. I loved you more than in a platonic way. Without you, I feel empty, and uncompleted. It's so hard to breathe._

_**To really know what it takes to make it**_

Feeling suffocated, Tony quickly wiped away the tears on his face and walked towards the elevator to go outside. Kate watched him go, unable to stop him, but not yet following him. Sullenly, she left to go visit Abby down in her lab.

Instead of hitting the elevator button to go to the lobby, Tony pressed the button that got him to the parking garage.

_**But we had survived off what we have done**_

He got into his car and sped off to the nearest store to buy a pack of cigarettes. He hadn't smoked one since he quit, which was when he had met Kate, but he really needed one now.

He needed one to ease his pain. To feel the calmness that the nicotine surged through his veins.

_**And we could show them all that they're mistaken**_

He fumbled with the pack to try to quickly open it. After lighting it, Tony took a deep drag of the cigarette and slowly exhaled. The nicotine was quickly spreading throughout his system.

The only feeling that even rivaled to the feeling of nicotine in his system was when he saw Kate smile, laugh, or just the plain sight of her. She could sooth his nerves just by looking at him.

**_But who could have known the lies that would grow_**

Taking one long last drag, he threw the last cigarette of the package he had bought onto the ground and crushed it with his heel.

He quickly drove back to the NCIS building before Gibbs could notice he was gone.

_**Until we could see right through them**_

Lingering in front of the building, he glanced once more at the beautiful, blue sky and then walked back into the building, into the painful memories, into where Kate's body laid on a slab down in the morgue.

He greeted Jerry, the security guard, who Tony occasionally had a beer with, as he re-entered the building. Handing his keys to Jerry as he walked through the metal detectors, Tony asked him, "Gibbs back yet?"

_**Remember they knew we were too young**_

"No. I haven't seen him yet." Jerry told him. "How you holding up man?" Jerry knew about Tony falling in love with Kate, which he had spilled one time after six or so beers.

"Oh, me? I'm cool." Tony said, plastering a fake smile on his face, the pain hidden away deep inside him. He refused to show anyone how badly Kate's death affected him.

_**We still don't know what it takes to make it**_

"Okay… If you say so." Jerry said, not believing him. Something about how Tony was acting wasn't right.

"It will get better though." Jerry told Tony's retreating back. "Trust me, I know it will…" He softly said, mostly to himself.

_  
**What happened to us**_

Tony sighed as he finally entered the elevator. He could finally be alone, away from all the people's probing questions and emotions. He just wanted to be left alone, alone to mourn the death of his love.

The silence of the ride helped calm him down a little. He could finally organize his thoughts by himself, without people speaking all around him. He missed the comfort of sitting in silence, watching Kate from his desk as she busily worked on a report.

**_  
We used to be so perfect_**

Tony sat at his desk once again, staring off into space. Only this time, he could not smell the metallic scent of Kate's blood, but the cigarette smoke that his clothes were bathed in.

He remembered all the good times and fun they had together. How many times they, together, would tease McGee, or the times she fell into his traps to win money from McGee. He really missed those times.

**_  
Now we're lost and lonely_**

_I miss you so much Katie. _Tony thought sadly. _And I even miss how you would yell at me when I called you Katie. You never did tell me why you didn't like that. I miss you so much._

Tony sighed and rotated around a few times in his chair. "You know, sometimes I used to picture you naked." Tony said, laughing silently to himself. It wasn't very funny, but those were the good times when she was still alive. He could remember all the times Kate almost caught him staring at her, in all of her beauty.

**_  
What happened to us_**

But he noticed that someone was watching him. He picked up the receiver of the phone, pretending to be talking to someone on the line and said, "I'll call you back."

"Hi, I was just-" Tony said. "Having phone sex?" The newcomer asked him with a smirk on her face. Tony forced a laugh. "Phone sex… Er… Charades."

**_  
And deep inside I wonder_**

"Charades?" The newcomer asked, waving her hands around. "So you've played?" Tony asked, trying to keep up the pretense. "Never on the telephone," she smirked at him.

"Yeah…" Tony said, stalling for an idea to come to him. "My partner and I were coming up with quotes for Saturday night."

**_Did I loose my only one  
_**

"You play Charades on Saturday nights?" She scoffed at him. "To kill time before I go clubbing." Tony said, lying through his teeth. "Who are you?"

"Ziva David, Mossad." She told him, pulling out her ID. "You're Israeli?" He asked her. "Very good. How did you put those two together? Mossad, Israeli." Ziva asked him sarcastically.

_**  
We could have made it work, we could have found a way**_

"What can I do for you Miss David?" Tony asked her, annoyed with her attitude.

From the moment he met Ziva, he knew he would not like her. The hole in his heart, from when Kate was taken away from him, was still there. And working with her replacement didn't help. It was all Tony would ever see anyone who took Kate's place as, her replacement. No other person could live up to her standards, no other person could capture his heart like she did, and no other person could fill her shoes. She was one of a kind.

**_  
We should have done our best to see another day_**

Their whole team, and Ziva, relentlessly hunted for Ari. Gibbs went for days without sleep, with only coffee keeping him awake.

Ari had the nerve to send a decoy to shoot at the new director, Director Shepard, and Gibbs. Tony couldn't believe that Ari had the gull to kidnap Ducky. They were all outraged and fueled by the death of one of their own and what Ari did to bring that son of a bitch down.

**_  
But we kept it all inside until it was too late_**

Ari had shot at Abby! He shot at her on the base, where they were supposed to be safe. He infiltrated the safest place they thought there was.

Ari would be hunted down like the animal he was. Revenge for Kate's death would be taken, whether in Gibbs's hands or Tony's, it did not matter.

**_  
And now we're both alone, the consequence we pay  
_**

Ari finally died. It turned out that the replacement, Ziva, was his half-sister. She shot and killed him, before he could kill Gibbs with his own rifle.

Finally, Kate could rest in peace, knowing that her murderer was brought to justice, NCIS style.

**_For throwing it all away, for throwing it all away  
_**

The sun's rays shined brightly from the heavens. There was not a cloud in sight.

He stood by her coffin silently, lost in thought.

_**What happened to us**_

_Where is the rain? When someone good dies, it's always raining at their funerals! It should be raining here, today at this heroine's funeral. It always rained in the movies. It should be raining to symbolize the tears of joy that God wept because such a good child of his rejoined him up in the heavens and to represent the tears shed by the deceased's mourners. But this isn't a movie. _Tony thought sadly. _If this was a movie the heroine wouldn't have died. She would've lived and we would've lived happily ever after._

He listened to the priest's eulogy along with the numerous people there. He could see Abby holding on to Gibbs's arm with tears streaming down her face; her little black umbrella blocking the sun. He saw Gibbs's and Ducky's solemn looking faces. He saw McGee staring at everywhere but her oak coffin. He could feel his tears pool at his eyes, not yet dropping.

**_We used to be so perfect_**

She stood next to him, unnoticed by all who were around her. No one could tell she was there, that her spirit was lingering in the world of life. Holding on to it for as long as she could.

He thought he felt her familiar presence near him. He shook his head. _That's impossible, stop being so ridiculous. Kate is dead. _Tony thought bitterly. But none the less, he felt comforted by the feeling that he felt whenever she was near him.**_  
_**

_**Now we're lost and lonely**_

After the priest finished his eulogy, the row of marines to the right of him fired off two rounds. The American flag that had lain on Kate's coffin was folded and handed to her mother, who was silently crying with tears streaking down her face. Her expression looked like it had collapsed when she was handed the flag and Kate's father and wrapped his arms around her to hold her up, and comfort her.

One by one, each person walked up to her grave to say their last goodbyes.

_**What happened to us**_

They were the last group to walk up to her coffin and say their goodbyes. They walked up together in a single file as a family. Each of them, with a hole in their hearts, placed their flowers on her coffin and murmured their goodbyes.

Even after all the mourners left, Tony lingered standing by her graveside. He didn't notice the wind that tugged at his clothes and hair.

_**And deep inside I wonder**_

She watched him from across her grave. She saw the tears that he had been desperately trying to hold in, in front of everyone fall.

"I love you Kate." Tony whispered, tears still streaming down his face. "I've always loved you. I just wished I had the chance to tell you. Now you're gone forever and it's too late."

_**Did I loose my only**_

It broke her heart to see him so vulnerable. She walked around the coffin and stood in front of him.

"I'll never forget you Katie." Tony said, directing his tear-blurred gaze at the ground. "I'll wait for you forever; until we finally meet again."

_**What happened to us**_

_**What happened to us**_

"_I love you too Tony,"_ she said. Tears were now also flowing down her face. _"But promise me one thing, Tony. Promise me you'll move on with your life. Because I want you to be happy. And you can't be happy if you keep living in the past. So promise me that Tony."_ She tip-toed and gently grazed her lips upon his.

He thought he could hear her words in the wind. Tony raised his hand to touch his lips, feeling the phantom kiss.

_**What happened to us**_

_**What happened to us**_

"I promise…"

She walked towards the gates of the cemetery and faded away into her well deserved afterlife.

**R.I.P.**

**Caitlyn Todd**

**Beloved Daughter**

**She will be forever remembered in all of our hearts.**

**1976-2004**

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The song was _What Happened to Us? _By Hoobastank


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